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Friday, June 28, 2013

‘Gay America’, 2013: Trapped in Redneck Hell

Gustave_Doré_-_Dante_Alighieri_-_Inferno_-_Plate_65_(Canto_XXXI_-_The_Titans)
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It was almost twenty years ago, but I still remember the moment like it was yesterday. The scene will always be branded onto my brain, like a scar, like a Duck Dynasty tattoo gone awry. I was sitting in the observation room of the local ballet studio, and I’d just come in out of the woods from bowhunting. I was dressed from head to toe in camouflage. Well-dressed, fancified city folk were staring at me as I ground my teeth, sitting in the corner. I looked out into the next room at the prancing young ladies, dressed in bright, happily colored leotards, their bodies flowing musically as they leaped and landed with the grace of gazelles. In any other circumstance I would have been too busy lusting to be upset. But not today.
I looked off to the left and saw my nine-year-old son talking to a teenage boy. Both of them were dressed in black tights. How did I get here? What carnal sin had I committed to be handed this punishment? My oldest son was performing ballet, gaily prancing in leotards with other males.

I had died and gone to redneck hell!
Today the United States Supreme court just ruled that two men can marry each other – two women can form a more perfect union. Forgive my bigotry, but that just makes my redneck hindquarters pucker up in revolt. I don’t get it. What’s the big draw here? Why do so many men want to perform unnatural acts with each other? Excuse me for a moment while I lean over and vomit into my shiny brass cuspidor.
I remember several years ago I was approached by a homosexual male who proceeded to scold me for my unfriendly writings toward the homosexual lifestyle. I recall him saying, “Admit it! You just can’t get over the mechanics of what we do and you never will!” He was right and I readily agreed with him. I’ll never accept it, and I’ll never get used to it.
A few years back I took my family to Portland, Oregon to visit friends. We were walking downtown after taking in the culture when my five-year-old son said to me, “Daddy, why are those two men kissing?” I quickly covered his eyes and turned him away. We haven’t been back to Portland since.
Now, listen folks, call me old fashioned, but I just don’t like watching two men kiss. It gives me that uncontrollable mother-of-all gag reflexes and leaves that nasty bile taste in my mouth. “Excuse me! Hey there! Young man get your tongue out of your friend’s mouth before God strikes you down and fries your dead body in the street like a worm baked on a shovel in the hot sun.”

Sorry. That just slipped out.
Society tells me that I’m an intolerant bigot, because I won’t accept men screwing men and women .. well … can one woman do anything to another woman? Do they even have the right parts?
I get up every morning. I work hard. I pay my taxes. I help little old ladies across the street. I open the door for people. What did I do to deserve this? And, more importantly, what can I do to make it stop?
Unfortunately, the cold, hard answer is – nothing. I can do nothing to stop the homosexual juggernaut from spreading like a virus across the land. Because, you see, this is just the most recent outbreak. Homosexuality, like all other forms of sexual immorality have been with us for most of human history. It’s kind of like playing sexual Whack-a-mole. He pops his head up on the left, so you hit it with a hammer to push it back down. Then it comes up on the right and you hit it again, but there’s no stopping it. Those pesky moles just keep popping up faster and faster and faster until finally, you’re all wore out and you can’t hammer anymore.

Yes, homosexuality has been with us for millennia. It was rampant during the decline of the Roman empire; it was there giving its blessing as Sodom and Gomorrah burned in sulfurous finality; it watches on even now as the once-mighty Roman Catholic church falls into graft and disrepair. Why is it that homosexuality is always the final nail in the coffin of any society who accepts and embraces it?
Yes, I know God loves us, but … is it possible … just a little bit, that God almighty doesn’t see the humor or fashion in two men bonking each other in a city park? Now, bear with me now. Keep an open mind. Is it even remotely possible that God created the earth and set up the family unit as the primary building block of society? And when we mess with the foundation of anything, whether it’s a building or a family; the whole thing comes crashing down around us.
Call me a bigot. Call me melodramatic. Call me old fashioned.
There was a supreme court ruling of similar ramification back in 1973. Since the landmark case of Roe V Wade over fifty-five million babies have been murdered in the security and privacy of their own mother’s womb. And that number will undoubtedly increase with widespread use of the morning after pill.
So, riddle me this Batman. If we increase the killing of unborn babies, if men marry men and woman marry women … Do I really have to spell this out to you? No civilization can survive without population growth. In America there are two groups growing like weeds: Muslims and illegal aliens.
It makes this redneck white boy wish he had a safe country to flee to. Hmmm, that gives me a good idea for my next novel. Twenty years from now, a civil war between the Muslims and the drug cartels for control of America. Is it possible that it could be more fact than fiction?
Sorry folks. If America is apple pie, then the big apple is baked – like a worm on a shovel.
Image: Source: Dante’s Inferno by Dante Alighieri; translated by The Rev. Henry Francis Cary, MA; illustration by Gustave Doré (1832 – 1883); public domain/copyright expired


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