by
Ben Crystal
Congress of Liberals
Begun and held on board Warren Buffett’s private jet, on a day that is none of your business, peon.
The Conventions of a number of the Democrats, having
at the time of their abrogating the Constitution, expressed a desire,
in order to prevent protection by or use of its powers, that further
declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending
the ground of public obedience to the Government, will best ensure the
beneficent ends of its institution.
Resolved by the President and his accomplices
against the United States of America, in smoky back rooms assembled, two
thirds of both Houses ignored, that the following Articles be imposed
on the People of the several States, as amendments to the Constitution
of the United States, all, or any of which Articles, when ratified by
three or four Democrats, to be valid to all intents and purposes, as
part of the said Constitution; viz.
Articles in addition to, and Amendment of the
Constitution of the United States of America, proposed by liberal hate
groups, and ratified by the
New York Times editorial board, pursuant to the
Communist Manifesto and
Rules for Radicals.
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion
other than the worship of its authority, or allowing the free exercise
thereof; or promoting the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the
right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the
Government for a redress of grievances.
Amendment II
A well regulated Militia, being a threat to the security of the
Democrats, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be
permitted.
Amendment III
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without
the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, unless the house belongs
to someone who didn’t vote for the President.
Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses,
papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall
not be violated, unless Harry Reid heard from some guy that they didn’t
pay their “fair share.”
Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise
infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury or
the Attorney General, except in cases arising in the land or naval
forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or
public danger, or in the event that person has demonstrated resistance
to the President and the Democrats; nor shall any person be subject for
the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb, unless
that offence involves aforementioned resistance; nor shall be compelled
in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of
life, liberty, or property, without due process of law, unless the
National Security Agency catches them reading
Personal Liberty Digest™, or watching
FOX News, or buying a copy of
Atlas Shrugged,
or attending a Tea Party rally; nor shall private property be taken for
public use, without just compensation, unless a real estate developer
determines it would be a good location for a shopping center or homeless
shelter or ACORN office.
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall be presumed guilty by
a partisan jury of the corporate media; unless the accused is a
cop-killer, or islamofascist terrorist, or a union thug, or might
otherwise be considered really cool by the Democrats, and to be informed
of the nature and cause of the accusation via notice broadcast on
MSNBC or uploaded to the
Huffington Post;
to be berated by Code Pink; to be mocked by Bill Maher when he’s not
enumerating his “mommy issues,” and to be burned in effigy by the Occupy
fleabags.
Amendment VII
In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed
twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, as long
as the American Trial Lawyers’ Association can make an easy buck off it.
Amendment VIII
The People will pay what the government tells them; and will thank the Government for the privilege.
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be
construed to deny or disparage others retained by the President.
Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the President by the Constitution, nor
prohibited by it to the President, are reserved to the President, or to
Hillary Clinton.
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