Survey Says

by Ben Crystal 
Of all the left-wing hate groups that orbit inside the Democrats’ sphere of influence, the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence is neither the ugliest nor the most dangerous.  While it exists solely to abrogate the Bill of Rights, its motives stem neither from the unhinged racism of groups like Common Cause nor the bloodlust of the Service Employees International Union. However, while the Brady-ites might not have the stomach to march to the bigoted and violent beats of those aforementioned liberal gangs, they do display the same tendency to ignore pesky obstacles like facts — not to mention that bane of liberals everywhere: the U.S. Constitution.
Last month, the Brady bunch sent out a “survey” that it laughably claimed was designed to “… assess and improve (the Brady Campaign’s) efforts to create a nation that is free from gun violence.” Of course, with howlers like that right there in the introduction, only the nuttiest of left-wing nut jobs could remain ignorant to the goal of the “survey.” As most Personal Liberty Digest™ readers already know, the Brady Campaign and its fellow opponents of the Bill of Rights have no interest in protecting anyone or anything other than their political stature and, of course, their sizable bank accounts. The former motive is revealed by the repeated use of hackneyed phrases like “gun violence.” The latter is exposed by the fact that the Brady Campaign stumps for donations in the bloody survey itself:

"14. Drawing on the history of other public health and safety campaigns in the United States, we believe that real progress on preventing gun violence in America depends on a strong collective voice. The only way we can dramatically reduce the number of gun deaths and injuries in this country is by standing together. Will you join us?
- YES! I will support the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence with a generous contribution of: < various amounts $25-$1,000 and *other >
- I want to become a Brady Champion with my monthly cred card gift of: < various amounts $5/month-$250/month and *other >
- I cannot send a gift right now, but please accept my contribution of $12 to help cover tabulation costs for this national survey."

Being the fun guy I am, I not only managed to get my mitts on one of these thinly disguised push polls, but I managed to make some adjustments thereto. Am I undertaking a fool’s errand in trying to jam sense into a group that actually considers turns-of-phrase like “gun sense” anything other than an absolute rape of the language? Probably. But it runs counter to my nature to abandon otherwise innocent Americans to the ghastly fate of those trapped in cities that have been burned to the ground by people like the Brady bunch. To put it another way: If the Brady-ites had their druthers, America would be one gigantic Detroit, with the exception of the showpiece mansions of the super rich who own the Democratic Party. Let’s be honest, kids. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi couldn’t live in Detroit. She doesn’t speak “middle class” well; she’d be lost in a land without lattes and Botox. Feel free to play along as your buddy Ben attempts to fix something that’s probably broken beyond repair.

1. When it comes to politics, how would you describe your affiliation?

1. Republican.
2. Democrat.
3. I vote for whoever offers the most free stuff.
4. I vote for whoever threatens my freedom the least.

2. If you had to describe where you fit on the political spectrum, what would you say?

1. Conservative.
2. Silly.
3. Sillier.
4. I still subscribe to The New Yorker.

3. The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence is dedicated to repealing the 2^nd Amendment to the Constitution through blatant fearmongering and nonsensical attempts to vilify firearms rather than the people who misuse them. Which of the following areas of its “work” are personally repellent to you?

1. Adding the prefix “gun” to as many unfortunate and/or tragic circumstances as possible in an effort to convince people that being shot is somehow worse than being stabbed to death, beaten to death or thrown off a cliff by an Obamacare death panelist.
2. Fighting for draconian anti-Bill of Rights laws that make for good talking points at liberal hate group rallies, but do nothing to stem the tide of actual violence in so-called “gun-free” zones.
3. Falsely blaming firearms for the actions of people who are criminals and, therefore, are likely to be Democratic voters.
4. Working hand in claw with President Barack Obama and his accomplices to slander law-abiding gun owners while refusing to even acknowledge the fact that Obama is a liar who has armed both Mexican narcoterrorists and al-Qaida and who, as such, is directly responsible for more bloodshed than virtually the entirety of the legal gun-owning community.

4. What is your opinion of the NRA?

1. I’ve got the sticker on my truck.
2. Sometimes, I worry they’re more interested in influence-peddling than actually protecting the 2^nd Amendment from hate groups like the Brady Campaign.
3. Disgraced phone-hacker and soon-to-be-ex CNN bloviator Piers Morgan says I should hate them, and I’m a good liberal.
4. At least they don’t tell me how to live my life. 

5. In light of the fact that anti-Bill of Rights laws did nothing to prevent the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., in December 2012, do you think lawmakers in Washington, D.C., have done enough to strengthen our Nation’s gun laws?

1. Um, is that a serious question?
2. I’m sorry; I keep my EarPro on at the range. Did you say something?

6. In your opinion, what are the biggest obstacles to passing laws that could dramatically infringe on the Constitutionally assured right to keep and bear arms? (Check all that apply.)

1. The Bill of Rights.
2. The average Americans’ ability to recognize liberal BS by the stink of it.
3. Some public officials’ ability to stand up to bullying by leftist hate groups like the Brady Campaign.
4. The fact that conservatives tend to rely more on facts and experience than the hysteria, hate and ignorance peddled by liberals.

7. Of the following “work” the Brady Campaign does, which do you feel is most dangerous right now? (Choose one.)

1. Working with Congress and Obama to pass legislation at the national level that will eliminate the Bill of Rights.
2. Helping lawmakers enact more senseless laws to blame firearms for the actions of people.
3. Shrieking at the top of our lungs in an effort to convince the public that Congress and Obama are more qualified than the American people to determine what’s best for them.
4. Providing a way for fewer Americans to be heard above the din of leftist fearmongering and anti-Bill of Rights ignorance. 

8. Each day, in America, 32 men, women and children are murdered with guns. Another 51 people use guns to commit suicide every day. Knowing this, which of the following statements best describes how you feel about guns and gun violence?

1. It seems unlikely that 32 men, women, and children were carrying at the time they were murdered, and not one of them got off a shot.
2. I doubt the 51 suicides would have been less dead if they’d jumped off cliffs, swallowed a bunch of pills or subjected themselves to a Piers Morgan marathon.
3. The Brady Campaign’s grammar is as abysmally poor as its leadership.
4. I find the use of nonsense phrases like “gun violence” as offensive as I find Piers Morgan.

9. In your opinion, how long will it take Congress to pass laws to abridge, amend or completely abrogate the Bill of Rights?

1. Good luck with that.
2. If they want to keep their jobs, it better be longer than my lifespan.
3. Medical science hasn’t advanced far enough to keep anyone — much less Congressmen — alive long enough to undo the Bill of Rights.
4. Almost as long as Al Gore has been pushing his Grand Unified Theory of ManBearPig. 

10. Please describe what factors you consider when deciding to support an organization like the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence? (Check all that apply.)

1. Whether they support Democrats or patriots.
2. Whether I’m being held at gunpoint by the ATF.
3. Whether I’ve received my welfare check for the month.
4. How did I get on this mailing list?

Since the Brady Campaign’s version of the survey was really just a Byzantine fundraising scheme, I’ll be a pal and include its mailing address: 840 First St. NE, Suite 400;
Washington, D.C. 20002. Feel free to send this edition to them upon completion. You’re welcome to throw in a couple of bucks, but I’d recommend something more appropriate. Tuck a spent shell casing in the envelope.