by Ben Crystal
The month of November was nothing if not exciting. War in the Mideast, approaching fiscal cliffs and a scandal involving a cover-up at the highest levels of the Administration and the intelligence community all dominated headlines around the world. Oh, and some guy named Barack Obama won a second Presidential term.
The penultimate month of 2012 opened amid a Presidential campaign that turned out to be about as climactic as a football game between Notre Dame and the Pop Warner champs from one of those Northeastern States where most of the kids play soccer and their parents refer to football as “American football.” As November screeches to a close, Obama is still the President and Notre Dame remains undefeated. But those stories are merely bookends. Let’s bid the month a fond adieu with a stroll down short-term memory lane. For those of you in Colorado or Washington, enjoy your short-term memories while you can. You know what I mean.
With apologies to my crew on The Great Eight, from the studios of the Personal Liberty Digest™, it’s time for the top 8 stories of November 2012.
8. Lena Dunham, meet everyone. Everyone, meet Lena Dunham. Dunham used to be another profanely left-wing television writer for profanely left-wing outlet HBO. Now, she’s a profanely left-wing television writer who sold her dignity for a piece of Obama’s coattails. Dunham produced the repulsive YouTube video in which she compared voting for Obama to losing her virginity. It’s hard to say whether Dunham’s efforts had any real effect (the sort of person who could be swayed by such nonsense was probably going to vote for Obama either way), but it certainly made her a rising star in the Democrat ranks. Not long after “My First Time” hit the Web, Dunham was named “woman of the year” by Glamour magazine. So, after Sandra Fluke whored herself out and endured a deserved firestorm of criticism for demanding the taxpayers fund a shockingly promiscuous lifestyle, all she got was second place? I almost feel bad for her — almost. Remember, kids: Sexualizing your politics in support of the Democrats is totally cool. Making fun of people who do is apparently less so.
7. Remember 2005, when Hurricane Katrina rolled into New Orleans? Remember how a population held under the Democrats’ thumbs for more than a century suddenly realized being incapable of self-preservation was a bad thing — albeit too late to do anything beyond whine about their plight? Remember how the Democrats managed to blame their own enforced ignorance on President George W. Bush while carefully ignoring the reprehensible failings of New Orleans Mayor Ray “Chocolate City” Nagin and then-Governor Kathleen “Alligator Tears” Blanco? Remember the people wading through chest-deep waters to save themselves — or at least to get to the shopping center before all the really good stuff got looted? Now think about the Atlantic seaboard during the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy’s arrival. Remember how the media couldn’t stop showing us images of helpless citizens, bereft of hope, gathering at the Atlantic City Convention Center, desperately hoping for a rescue? Remember how the Nation roared with rage not only over the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s hapless response, but also over Obama’s apparent lack of concern? Remember how hip-hop poseur and drunken idiot Kanye West made headlines with his pointed criticism of Obama’s snail’s pace of a reaction? Yeah, me neither.
6. Good news, everyone. Attorney General Eric Holder — patron of the New Black Panther Party, architect of the Operation Fast and Furious cover-up and Congressional perjurer — will be staying in Washington for the foreseeable future. The good news: If Holder is in Washington, he’s less likely to kill people who live elsewhere. The bad news: He’s the Attorney General. If he wants you dead, he can get to you almost anywhere. And following his Obama-endorsed perjury regarding the disastrous OFF and its attendant body count, it would appear that he won’t be facing any consequences. And let this be a lesson to us all. If you want to get somewhere in life, there are two choices: Work hard and avoid murderous mendacity, or be a Democrat.
5. Now that we’ve put election 2012 in the rearview mirror, we can all take a deep breath and ponder the direction of the Republic. There are no offensive campaign ads, no idiotic mailers piling up in the box and no ludicrous attempts by either major party to obfuscate their man’s obvious failings in an attempt to fool us into casting our ballots in his direction. Enjoy the holidays, kids; no one is begging for your vote today! All right, I’m lying like a Democratic National Committee chairperson. Hillary 2016! Rubio 2016! Jeb Bush 2016! (Really? Really.) We don’t even get time off for bad behavior anymore.
4. Retired Gen. David Petraeus defines tough guy. And I base that not just on the chest full of medals and walls full of accolades. How tough is Petraeus? He once convinced doctors to discharge him from the hospital by doing 50 pushups less than a week after he was shot in the chest. Bullets don’t scare him. Bombs don’t scare him. But broads probably should have set him to running up the white flag. Petraeus, who was confirmed by a 94-0 Senate vote, is off the public payroll for the first time in four decades following the discovery of his affair with biographer Paula Broadwell. Obviously, Petraeus had to go following such a public disgrace. He cheated on his wife of 38 years. He allowed his hormones to potentially threaten national security. He lied. Actually, none of those are generally considered black marks on a Democrat’s resume; normally, such behavior earns you a Senate seat, if not the Presidency itself. Come to think of it, I’m not entirely certain why Petraeus was forced to resign. By the standards of the Democratic Party, he’s fairly unremarkable. There must be some reason why he’s on the bricks. I wonder what it could possibly be?
3. Oh, right. Obama needed a scapegoat for his fatal blundering in Benghazi, Libya. As if the sad saga of Ambassador Chris Stevens and his three fellow victims didn’t make you want to shade your eyes already, leave it to Obama to make a terrible situation 10 times worse. Petraeus has fallen on the proverbial sword for the disaster; but so many seminal questions remain unanswered regarding the mishandling of the whole affair, it may take years to untangle the web of deceit. Terrorists attacked the U.S. diplomatic compound and murdered Stevens and the others in a coordinated operation. And then, all hell broke loose. U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice took to the talk circuit to repeat the Obama lie that some YouTube video was to blame. Obama and his accomplices changed the story so often they actually began to struggle to keep the lies straight. At one point, Obama’s sock puppets at MSNBC reverted to the YouTube fable even as Obama was acknowledging its fallacy. The smoke still hasn’t cleared, but here’s what we know: YouTube had nothing to do with it. Rice lied repeatedly. Obama lied repeatedly. Petraeus resigned. The Democrats are now saying that anyone who points out Obama and Rice’s dishonesty is somehow racist. And the Benghazi Four are still dead.
2. Apparently, God has an ironic sense of humor. What else could explain ushering in the holy season with holy war in the Holy Land… again? While they’re pretending to abide by a cease-fire, the Israelis and their islamofascist enemies are trading blows; getting after each other like it’s the intifadeh all over again. The Muslims fire rockets from launching vehicles and pads hidden among civilian neighborhoods, and the Israelis fly over and level the whole area each time they do. Lessons come hard in the Levant; they’ve been killing each other since the late 1940s. Actually, they’ve been killing each other since Joshua won the battle of Jericho. Actually, the battle of Jericho is still under way. Obama seems either disinterested or incapable of exerting any influence over the warring parties, and the Russians and the Chinese glower menacingly behind the islamofascists they’ve armed. The Mayans can’t have known about the Mideast, right?
1. Obama won. He didn’t just beat Mitt Romney; he cleaned his ballot box. Much as it pains me to acknowledge, Obama’s victory was a full-on, alpine-disaster-movie landslide. Despite record joblessness, record numbers of Americans on food stamps, record personal and national debt, record division among the people and virtually record-setting levels of overt lying to the American people on issues as grave as human life, Americans chose to allow Obama to keep the keys to the Oval Office. In return, Obama offers four more years of Obamacare, tax hikes, class warfare, lying and death. But don’t blame Obama. Blame your fellow Americans. He didn’t do it alone.
So, that’s November. December can’t possibly be worse, nor can it be weirder. Of course, I said that last month.
–Ben Crystal
The month of November was nothing if not exciting. War in the Mideast, approaching fiscal cliffs and a scandal involving a cover-up at the highest levels of the Administration and the intelligence community all dominated headlines around the world. Oh, and some guy named Barack Obama won a second Presidential term.
The penultimate month of 2012 opened amid a Presidential campaign that turned out to be about as climactic as a football game between Notre Dame and the Pop Warner champs from one of those Northeastern States where most of the kids play soccer and their parents refer to football as “American football.” As November screeches to a close, Obama is still the President and Notre Dame remains undefeated. But those stories are merely bookends. Let’s bid the month a fond adieu with a stroll down short-term memory lane. For those of you in Colorado or Washington, enjoy your short-term memories while you can. You know what I mean.
With apologies to my crew on The Great Eight, from the studios of the Personal Liberty Digest™, it’s time for the top 8 stories of November 2012.
8. Lena Dunham, meet everyone. Everyone, meet Lena Dunham. Dunham used to be another profanely left-wing television writer for profanely left-wing outlet HBO. Now, she’s a profanely left-wing television writer who sold her dignity for a piece of Obama’s coattails. Dunham produced the repulsive YouTube video in which she compared voting for Obama to losing her virginity. It’s hard to say whether Dunham’s efforts had any real effect (the sort of person who could be swayed by such nonsense was probably going to vote for Obama either way), but it certainly made her a rising star in the Democrat ranks. Not long after “My First Time” hit the Web, Dunham was named “woman of the year” by Glamour magazine. So, after Sandra Fluke whored herself out and endured a deserved firestorm of criticism for demanding the taxpayers fund a shockingly promiscuous lifestyle, all she got was second place? I almost feel bad for her — almost. Remember, kids: Sexualizing your politics in support of the Democrats is totally cool. Making fun of people who do is apparently less so.
7. Remember 2005, when Hurricane Katrina rolled into New Orleans? Remember how a population held under the Democrats’ thumbs for more than a century suddenly realized being incapable of self-preservation was a bad thing — albeit too late to do anything beyond whine about their plight? Remember how the Democrats managed to blame their own enforced ignorance on President George W. Bush while carefully ignoring the reprehensible failings of New Orleans Mayor Ray “Chocolate City” Nagin and then-Governor Kathleen “Alligator Tears” Blanco? Remember the people wading through chest-deep waters to save themselves — or at least to get to the shopping center before all the really good stuff got looted? Now think about the Atlantic seaboard during the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy’s arrival. Remember how the media couldn’t stop showing us images of helpless citizens, bereft of hope, gathering at the Atlantic City Convention Center, desperately hoping for a rescue? Remember how the Nation roared with rage not only over the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s hapless response, but also over Obama’s apparent lack of concern? Remember how hip-hop poseur and drunken idiot Kanye West made headlines with his pointed criticism of Obama’s snail’s pace of a reaction? Yeah, me neither.
6. Good news, everyone. Attorney General Eric Holder — patron of the New Black Panther Party, architect of the Operation Fast and Furious cover-up and Congressional perjurer — will be staying in Washington for the foreseeable future. The good news: If Holder is in Washington, he’s less likely to kill people who live elsewhere. The bad news: He’s the Attorney General. If he wants you dead, he can get to you almost anywhere. And following his Obama-endorsed perjury regarding the disastrous OFF and its attendant body count, it would appear that he won’t be facing any consequences. And let this be a lesson to us all. If you want to get somewhere in life, there are two choices: Work hard and avoid murderous mendacity, or be a Democrat.
5. Now that we’ve put election 2012 in the rearview mirror, we can all take a deep breath and ponder the direction of the Republic. There are no offensive campaign ads, no idiotic mailers piling up in the box and no ludicrous attempts by either major party to obfuscate their man’s obvious failings in an attempt to fool us into casting our ballots in his direction. Enjoy the holidays, kids; no one is begging for your vote today! All right, I’m lying like a Democratic National Committee chairperson. Hillary 2016! Rubio 2016! Jeb Bush 2016! (Really? Really.) We don’t even get time off for bad behavior anymore.
4. Retired Gen. David Petraeus defines tough guy. And I base that not just on the chest full of medals and walls full of accolades. How tough is Petraeus? He once convinced doctors to discharge him from the hospital by doing 50 pushups less than a week after he was shot in the chest. Bullets don’t scare him. Bombs don’t scare him. But broads probably should have set him to running up the white flag. Petraeus, who was confirmed by a 94-0 Senate vote, is off the public payroll for the first time in four decades following the discovery of his affair with biographer Paula Broadwell. Obviously, Petraeus had to go following such a public disgrace. He cheated on his wife of 38 years. He allowed his hormones to potentially threaten national security. He lied. Actually, none of those are generally considered black marks on a Democrat’s resume; normally, such behavior earns you a Senate seat, if not the Presidency itself. Come to think of it, I’m not entirely certain why Petraeus was forced to resign. By the standards of the Democratic Party, he’s fairly unremarkable. There must be some reason why he’s on the bricks. I wonder what it could possibly be?
3. Oh, right. Obama needed a scapegoat for his fatal blundering in Benghazi, Libya. As if the sad saga of Ambassador Chris Stevens and his three fellow victims didn’t make you want to shade your eyes already, leave it to Obama to make a terrible situation 10 times worse. Petraeus has fallen on the proverbial sword for the disaster; but so many seminal questions remain unanswered regarding the mishandling of the whole affair, it may take years to untangle the web of deceit. Terrorists attacked the U.S. diplomatic compound and murdered Stevens and the others in a coordinated operation. And then, all hell broke loose. U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice took to the talk circuit to repeat the Obama lie that some YouTube video was to blame. Obama and his accomplices changed the story so often they actually began to struggle to keep the lies straight. At one point, Obama’s sock puppets at MSNBC reverted to the YouTube fable even as Obama was acknowledging its fallacy. The smoke still hasn’t cleared, but here’s what we know: YouTube had nothing to do with it. Rice lied repeatedly. Obama lied repeatedly. Petraeus resigned. The Democrats are now saying that anyone who points out Obama and Rice’s dishonesty is somehow racist. And the Benghazi Four are still dead.
2. Apparently, God has an ironic sense of humor. What else could explain ushering in the holy season with holy war in the Holy Land… again? While they’re pretending to abide by a cease-fire, the Israelis and their islamofascist enemies are trading blows; getting after each other like it’s the intifadeh all over again. The Muslims fire rockets from launching vehicles and pads hidden among civilian neighborhoods, and the Israelis fly over and level the whole area each time they do. Lessons come hard in the Levant; they’ve been killing each other since the late 1940s. Actually, they’ve been killing each other since Joshua won the battle of Jericho. Actually, the battle of Jericho is still under way. Obama seems either disinterested or incapable of exerting any influence over the warring parties, and the Russians and the Chinese glower menacingly behind the islamofascists they’ve armed. The Mayans can’t have known about the Mideast, right?
1. Obama won. He didn’t just beat Mitt Romney; he cleaned his ballot box. Much as it pains me to acknowledge, Obama’s victory was a full-on, alpine-disaster-movie landslide. Despite record joblessness, record numbers of Americans on food stamps, record personal and national debt, record division among the people and virtually record-setting levels of overt lying to the American people on issues as grave as human life, Americans chose to allow Obama to keep the keys to the Oval Office. In return, Obama offers four more years of Obamacare, tax hikes, class warfare, lying and death. But don’t blame Obama. Blame your fellow Americans. He didn’t do it alone.
So, that’s November. December can’t possibly be worse, nor can it be weirder. Of course, I said that last month.
–Ben Crystal
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