First Lady: Vote Early Before the Toilet Overflows

by John DeMayo 


I have some news for Michelle Obama; the toilet is already overflowing and Americans are calling for a new plumber. The White House’s unhealthy appetite for Keynesian cuisine has created a huge blockage in our nation’s Honey bucket and voter rooter is on the way.
Last week, our glamorous diet-crazed First Lady encouraged small Wisconsin college audiences to vote early by using a humorous warning about life’s nasty inconveniences like “overflowing toilets”. God forbid an Obama supporter’s toilet breaches its rim any time through Election Day because liberals will be screaming about voter constipation, I mean suppression again. Oh well, perhaps Mrs. Obama is floating a funky excuse for her husband’s defeat in November.
I can hear Debbie Wasserman Schultz: “As a pro-choice Jewish woman and gay marriage supporter, I believe America needs to free itself from our addiction to over flushing foreign made toilets; only then will voters find liberation on Election Day. This is Jim Crow all over again. This is a Republican attempt to steal this election. For the first time in U.S. history minorities have to worry about a clogged toilet when they go to cast their vote. It’s unprecedented.”

I’m surprised that we haven’t heard more about Presidential techniques for unclogging toilets before election season. Washington’s cesspool has been backing up in the White House for years and with the President using money like Charmin you would think clogged overflowing toilets, like childhood obesity, would be a national security issue by now.

Honestly, I, like our First Lady am very concerned about the prospects for epidemic toilet clogging on Election Day. Especially in union dominated Wisconsin. I can’t imagine what new entitlement is being formulated to correct this potential atrocity. I think Eric Holder should deploy the New Black Panther Party (plungers in hand) to assist minority get-out-the-vote drives now through Election Day. With all the time these guys have spent in prison they should be experts at unclogging commodes while avoiding spillage. What’s a little extra public service when an Obama victory in November is at stake?Perhaps we should include commode maintenance as part of our Federal disaster preparedness program?
In all seriousness, if voters in this country can’t manage to get to the polls to cast a vote because of a plumbing problem were sunk as a nation.  Our government has gone over the top with extending early voting, offering free rides to the polls and providing ballots in foreign languages for years. What more does an individual require to make voting any easier? Yet less than seventy percent of eligible voters will participate in elections once again. If men and women dodging bullets can find the time to submit a ballot, no American has an excuse for failing to make their voice heard. Americans better get serious about this election or you may one day (sooner than you think) find yourself flushing your toilets with rain water.

I can’t remember the last time I had to deal with an overflowing toilet. With new and improved water conserving crapper technology I find it hard to fathom how anyone could overflow a toilet these days; but toilets much like election booths aren’t idiot proof. Pulling the lever at the wrong time can have disastrous consequences. Well if this disaster does befall a liberal on Election Day they can find comfort in knowing they won’t be charged double time by a union plumber as it’s not a Federal Holiday.