IF I WAS A BLACK MAN: I Wouldn’t Fear White Devils… I’d Fear Blacks

by Doug Giles
If I was a black dude I wouldn’t be sweating getting offed by some pasty skinned white devil who listens to Cold Play and shops The Gap; or some buzz cut, “creepy-ass cracker” cop wearing Aviators.
Why wouldn’t I sweat such Caucasians?
Well … as a 52yr. old “black man” it’s primarily because of these six things:
— I’m not selling narcotics.
— I’m not carrying a switchblade.
— I’m not shaking down store clerks after they catch me stealing fists full of Swisher Sweets.
— I’m not beating the stuffing out of a cop after I dared him to run over me as I defiantly slow-trolled down the middle of the street.

— I’m not looting stores.
— I’m really not breaking any law (aside from an occasional speed limit) or hanging out with anyone doing shady stuff.
Ergo, as a hypothetical brother, I wouldn’t fear a Caucasian at anytime, anywhere, for anything. I’m cool … you see?
However, my teens were a wee bit different story chocked full of phobias. Righteous phobias, mind you.
As the theoretical black teen and twenty-something, I definitely would fear The Cracker because, back in my day, I was hell on two skinny legs.
Yep, as a “black teen” I would dread the white man, or any man for that matter, especially those sporting a badge — and here’s why: I did stupid, lawless, evil and wicked stuff with great regularity, that’s why.
Indeed, my fears would’ve been justified because I dealt drugs, burglarized homes and businesses, vandalized property, treated people like dirt and got into enough trouble for twenty punks.

It took a collision course with Johnny Law and Jesus Christ to wake my dumb-butt up.
What I’ve learned after over half-a-century of schlepping this third rock from the sun is this: If I don’t do whacked stuff then, generally speaking, I don’t have to fear people or police … duh.
That said, continuing with the “if i was a black guy I wouldn’t fear the white man” motif, I must say, given the empirical data of late, that if, as a black man, I had to fear anyone for anything at anytime it would be a black person – because the black on black crime is way more a threat to a black person than any thing a white dude is currently doling out. Read this if you think I’m full of crap.
Finally, I will let Chris Rock explain what he, as a law-abiding black man, truly fears. Remember, he said it. I didn’t.